Instagram can only hold so many words… and well, I have more to say on this back to school business. lol. So I’ll start with echoing what I started to say on my last insta post.
Back to school this time around is so bittersweet. Two years ago I clearly had very different feelings😝 – and so this go around it’s taking me by surprise. It’s the first time I am legitimately sad about not having my 3 little spunky, sweet, giggly, chatty sidekicks to joke, dance and shop around with each day.😩💔
Are there moments where I’m super stoked about having more free time to do my own thing, and thrilled about my house staying clean for more than 30 minutes?… uhhh YEAH! But I just can’t emphasize enough HOW FUN this preteen age has been for me. The conversations are richer, the laughs are longer, and just the fun moments in general have multiplied by a thousand this Summer.
Lately I’ve found myself thinking SO MUCH about motherhood, and how it’s constantly evolving and changing.
Truth be told (and I hope someone can relate, because this is a vulnerable thing to admit)… I typically ALWAYS felt out of place, impatient and frustrated as a “toddler Mom”. I never quite understood how other Moms could deal so well with everything that was being thrown at them.
(I blamed it on my incredible lack of patience😬)
It was never about comparing myself to other Mom’s at all, but more that I would just see them not getting as bent out of shape as I would with my own toddlers (who I have to say were really, really quite good). Often times I felt like a complete failure after a full day of disciplining, grunting in anger, sticking to punishments, only talking to myself pretty much all day, potty training, messes and well… just “having it up to here” with basically three small kids the same age.
Honestly? It was about three-ish years of my life I like to call “the vortex of hell”😬. Judge away, because I know that sounds super harsh, but I’m just being open and honest, and for someone like ME – a slightly OCD, control & clean freak, with a wildly huge social butterfly living inside her – … it was REALLY lonely and REALLY hard.
I rarely ever talked about this to anyone, because who wants to be seen as the strung-out young mother who can’t get her sh*t together!? Not me. And I didn’t really have any other Moms with kids the same age who were going through similar feelings as me.
Thank the heavens I didn’t have to deal with Instagram at the time, and the illusion of perfection that goes along with it. LOL. I may have quite possibly lost it completely.😂
… then again, maybe I would have had an easier time finding other Mommas who were dealing with feelings like mine (?) who knows……. something to think about.
So why am I admitting this?
Because of what I’ve learned ALL these years later.
IT’S OKAY to not feel like you’re rockin’ it at being a mom at EVERY single stage of your child’s life!!!
And I know NOW, that my calling in this “Mom life” that I excel at most, is here. In THIS moment. With these giggly, fun, amazingly communicative, full of personality, chatty and opinionated preteens! I feel SO much more fulfilled now as a mother when they’re laughing at inside jokes with me, crying about feelings and throwing tween sass, than I EVER did when I was solely relied on for eating, entertainment and cleaning up wet toilet paper from the bathroom floor that had been soaked in toilet water.😓
I hesitate to say this, because everyone thrives at motherhood in different stages, but I SO wish I would of have had someone tell me 8-ish years ago, that it was OKAY to feel out of place from the other Mom’s. Not quite the same. And that it wouldn’t always be like this.
Instead? When I would open up to people I would often hear “Oh, just cherish these times” or “Don’t rush them to grow up”. This is about the same moment I would start wishing I had a wad of that soggy, toilet-water-soaked bathroom tissue to chuck at their heads.
Because honestly?… it was NEVER about my girls getting bigger faster, it was about ME not feeling like ME. And the question that would run through my head a lot was… “Maybe I’m just not built for this ‘Mom stuff’ like I thought I would be?”
And THAT is a heavy feeling for ANY Mom to feel.
So maybe you know what I’m talking about, and maybe you don’t. But I’ve decided today, that either way, I’m giving EVERY single one of us Moms the permission we need to feel EXACTLY how we need to feel, and to be completely unapologetic for it.
I try not to “give advice”, but I encourage you to focusing on how to learn from the hard Mom moments (because they’ll happen no mater what), and then also passionately embrace the good ones and hold on tight. Take pictures. Write things down. Flip your phones camera to video, and capture everything you can.
I am SO HAPPY I made it (somedays, barely) through the rougher waters of Motherhood, to get to the point I’m at today,
I couldn’t always say this confidently, but now I can…
I am in LOVE with being a Mom right now. It fulfills me more than anything ever has. It makes me a better person, and I like who I am MOST when I’m ‘Momming’ to these three beautiful girls of mine.
Here’s to all you Moms, doing the best you can.
It IS enough.